


Keep Going

by thegreatficmaster



Series: Supernatural Collection [98]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Dean Winchester, Depressed Dean Winchester, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 02:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20268844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatficmaster/pseuds/thegreatficmaster
Summary: Y/n sees the changes in Dean and tries to understand what’s going through his mind.





	Keep Going

You saw what was happening with him.

The way he’d barely speak anymore. 

His eyes always tired, bags growing as his hair became a mess.

He barely shaved. 

He’d spend longer than usual in the shower. 

He wouldn’t look at you or Ellie.

You knew he was a mess.

Why? 

There was no reason.

Not really.

This was just Dean.

He’d always been this way.

Take away the bubbly, sweet, slightly cocky mask he wore, he was just a damaged and hurt little boy.

You knew he blamed himself.

He blamed himself for everything.

From the car crash that took his mom when he was four, to the death of his brother while he was at Stanford.

For some reason, Dean blamed himself for it all.

And to be honest, you knew why.

It was John.

As much as you loved your father-in-law, you knew what he was like a few years ago.

It wasn’t until Dean and you decided to get married, that he seemed to sort himself out.

Ellie was the biggest catalyst to his change.

John had messed everything up with his sons.

He was never there for them. 

He missed every single important event in their lives.

Then Sam died and John seemed to have completely given up.

But then there was Adam.

John never knew about him till he died. 

That added to his spiral.

He’d lost Sam.

Then he lost the son he never knew he had.

John was a mess for all of Dean’s life.

But when he found out there was a granddaughter, John realized he had a second chance.

He had a chance to share all the love he failed to give to his sons, despite it all being in him.

He wasn’t going to mess that up.

So he stopped drinking. 

Stopped moping. 

Got a job. 

Finally tried to mend things with Dean, especially now that Sam was gone too.

But that didn’t heal the scars and pain Dean had.

Years of being blamed by an alcoholic, being given the responsibility of taking care of Sam, while John was laying on the floor, completely wasted.

Bobby was their only saving grace. 

But Dean still craved the approval of John.

Even if he never truly got it.

But you thought things were good.

Your job was going great. 

Dean’s business was doing amazingly.

Ellie was progressing in pre-school better than you both thought.

Bobby had remarried. 

A man this time.

Shocked you all, but Fergus was sweet.

And John…John was trying. 

He really was.

He’d been almost two years completely sober.

After Dean threatening to keep him from seeing Ellie ever again, John completely stopped.

Everything seemed good.

So why was Dean so broken?

You pushed the door open slightly, the stench hitting you right away.

It’d been a few days since you even saw Dean.

You’d hear him leave early in the morning and come home late at night.

He wasn’t even sleeping in your bedroom anymore, opting to sleep in the spare room.

You winced at the smell, looking around to see dirty clothes lying all over the place, a mass on the bed.

You carefully made your way through the room, trying your hardest not to step on or trip over anything, and made your way to the window.

Pulling the curtains open, you lifted the window, letting the fresh air in, hoping it’d get rid of the stale stench.

“What the hell?”

You turned towards the mumbling body on the bed and sat beside him.

He stayed silent, face buried underneath the sheets as you sighed.

“You ok, Dean?”

You saw the covers lift a little, his face peeking out.

His beard had grown. A lot. 

The eye bags were more pronounced than ever before.

For some reason, his face looked more tired and bonier than you remembered.

He just looked so broken.

There was a pain in his eyes that you’d never seen before.

And for some reason, that broke you.

“What’s going on, Dean? You can tell me”, you assured, your voice cracking as you tried to hold back the tears at the sight of your husband looking so done.

“I…I don’t know. I just-everything’s a mess”.

His voice was hoarse, barely a whisper, but you knew he wasn’t doing well.

“Move over”.

He nodded, revealing his face fully as he shifted to the right side of the bed.

You climbed in, not really caring about the fact that he smelt like a mix of B.O., alcohol, fried food, and a man who hadn’t washed in years.

He immediately latched onto your body, face buried in the crook of your neck as he held on tight, as though he never wanted to let go.

He broke down right away, his sobs being the only sound in the room, the incoherent words leaving his mouth as you felt your shirt get wet.

But that didn’t matter. 

All that mattered was soothing him, calming him down, and finding out what was going on.

Your own arms wrapped tightly around his body, burying his face further into your neck as you stroked his hair, rubbing at his back gently, all the while softly shushing him.

His sobs were broken and heavy, but they began getting softer, quieter, and eventually stopped.

“Why you cryn’ daddy?”

You looked to the door, Ellie standing there, holding her little plush as her eyes watered.

You knew she was going to burst into tears anytime soon.

“Come here, baby”.

She nodded, her bottom lip trembling as she climbed onto the bed.

She wedged herself between you and Dean, looking at her daddy and seeing his face wet with tears, eyes red and puffy.

“Daddy”.

Her little voice made Dean look up, doing his best to smile at her, despite the uselessness and failure he was feeling.

“Yea, baby girl?”

She leaned down, her little hands on his cheeks as she kissed his eyes, trying to prevent him from crying.

“Why you sad?”

Dean sighed, not letting the smile fall of his face, his heart warming at his daughter’s actions.

“Nothing, baby girl. Just…I’m just not feeling great. But I promise, I’ll be fine soon. Just some grown up problems. Nothing for you to worry your little head about”.

He pinched her nose softly, before he pulled her in for a hug.

It’d been a few days since he saw her.

God, he missed her so much. 

He missed you too.

You watched as your daughter comforted your husband, running her little hands through his hair and beard.

** _“Life is suffering. It is hard. The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep living”._ **

You smiled at her words.

Though she was only three years old and her speaking wasn’t the greatest, confusing simple words, she managed to retain a lot.

And you were proud of how she understood that the quote was fitting in this moment.

How? You had no idea.

But Ellie seemed to surprise you constantly.

Though she seemed like a regular child, there was something special about her.

She was wise beyond her years and loved learning new things, no matter how difficult they were.

Of course, the quote wasn’t exactly made by a great philosopher, but from Ellie’s favourite movie of the moment, Princess Mononoke.

Nevertheless, the fact that she understood the meaning behind it, along with knowing that it was something Dean needed to hear, just made you so proud.

You could tell Dean was too, judging by the way his eyes lit up for the first time in a while.

He hugged her closer, kissing her crown as he sniffed in her soft scent. Strawberry shampoo.

“I love you, babygirl”.

She nodded, mumbling back a ’_love you too, daddy_’.

Dean looked over at you, watching as the tears dropped.

“Come here”.

You immediately went over, letting Dean hold you close as you gripped the both of them.

You had no idea what had made Dean break so badly. 

You had no idea what the problem was, or how to fix it.

But you knew you could get over this.

You’d be there, right by Dean’s side, for whatever he was going through.

And you’d see him get better. 

You’d see him heal from whatever broke him.

Because the little shine he already had back right now, told you that Dean would fight. 

He’d keep going no matter what.

For you and your daughter.

For the two people he loved most.

He’d always keep going for the two of you.


End file.
